Cocaine
DECEMBER 4, 2014
[Friendship] Which faces pop in your mind when you hear the word “friendship”. I recently celebrated my 31st birthday with a few friends. New friends, old friends and family… each person bringing something special to my life. As I look at this picture, I can’t help but smile and thank God for these people. Two gals being new friends and two who have been in my life for 5+ years. I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason and with every relationship we learn something new about the person and ourselves.
Whether the person you meet stays or leaves your life, he/she will leave an impact one way or another. I remember when I met one of the girl’s while working in Newport… She became one of Ms Jackie Fitness’s beach client and later a very close friend. She believed in me and supported my dreams and aspirations to become a fitness trainer. We shared the same love for Christ which lead me to joining her and her cousin’s all woman’s small group [bible study].
At the time, I was lost, insecure and completely broken from a past relationship (which I hid very well). The relationship left me feeling lonely and unworthy of being alive. I thought to myself… I gave everything to help this person get to the top… and then left in the dust and cheated on. I was already “broken” going into this relationship… but just like any dysfunctional mind, I jumped from one relationship to another trying to find my “happiness” in a relationship. Mind you, I dated an alcoholic, next a verbally abuse steroid user and then… a person who was a mastermind at manipulating people. I was a stupid girl, who thought I knew it all and could “change a man” [pathetic, I know].
This one friend was also the friend who lead me to my therapist at Hoag in Newport Beach. A therapist I will never forget. A woman who helped me understand me and why I thought the way I did about myself. I had so much darkness in my life since I was a little girl, which lead me to many bad decision later as an adolescent and into my twenties. As I was attending therapy, I went to church every Sunday [by myself most of the time], attended bible study, went out and partied a.k.a “getting lost”, and continued to do what I thought was right for me. Well… THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. Therapy helped me process so many negative emotions and self-esteem issues, that at one point I was partying so hard just to numb the pain after each session. Um… there is a reason why the therapist tells you NOT to do drugs while in therapy [I am an idiot, I know].
I finally decided to surrender my full self to Christ [no more “getting lost”, no more drugs, no more going to LA, no more intimate relationships, no more being of the world]…and things began to make sense to me. There were several people who came into my life as well during this time. Some who taught me valuable lessons about true friendship and others who were in my life for a split second to help me realize, “this is NOT the life I want to live”.
Cocaine was my drug of choice… and it put me in some scary situations. These girls in my small group did not judge me once, but listened to me cry and share the deepest darkest secret. It was that year [2012] I shared a really dark secret with my therapist. She was the first person I ever told… and later my small group. They listened as I sobbed my eyes out, hyperventilating in disbelief that I finally told someone. The girls never judged me but loved me with open arms. It was the beginning of true healing and moving forward with my life knowing that I was no longer trapped and GOD LOVES me. There is no condemnation! I am so grateful for these girls, without them I do not know what I would have done. God’s timing is impeccable. God knows exactly what we need in our life, who to put in our life and when to put them in our life.
♥ He knew when to put these girls in my life [years ago] and He knew exactly what I was going to go through before my true healing can begin.
“blessed are those who do not see Me, but believe”